Still, this is what my hair looks like. For the last 25 years, the fact that I have hair at all is due to Rogaine.
When you add that to the fact that I cannot stand, really, truly, cannot stand, the feeling of hair touching my neck or my face, what I need is a buzz cut.
I feel ridiculous trying to "style" this and make it socially acceptable, when what I really want is to be happy and socially unacceptable.
"Put it in a ponytail! Put it in a bun!" people say; they have never seen me in either style. This is me in a play set in another century. We've fluffed a lot of air into my hair to get it to look this, um, abundant. Still, compare it to my companion. I could hold back a ponytail with an orthodontic rubber band. My bun in this photo is held by a single bobby pin, I think. (I'm on the left, obviously.)
And, I wear a ponytail to bed every night because, as I said, I cannot stand the feeling of hair on my neck or face. It is not an attractive look. Trust me. But, it is comfortable.
I know that it will "look terrible" cut very short. I do. I just don't really care. I do want to avoid having my husband be horrified every time he looks at me. This is why I still have any hair.
I could wear wigs; I own wigs. They're not comfortable. Ditto hats or scarves - and I have a really large head, so most women's hats (and some men's hats) perch on top, look silly, and blow away with every puff of air. I just wanna be bald, and society does not support me in this.
The vanishing nature of my hair - it was thick and long in my childhood - is a combination of heredity and hormonal imbalance. Before you ask, yes, my hormones are "regulated" with medication. No, it doesn't help my hair. Or the whiskers I grow (after I've had laser hair removal on my face and neck).
My dad, if he were alive, would be mortified if I cut my hair off. I cannot tell you how many times he lamented the 60s popularity of short styles (think Twiggy). "A woman's hair is her crowning glory!" he said, over and over. Any woman who cut it was being self destructive, he was sure.
After looking at photos of my Grandma Laurel, my dad's mom, I think this sentiment may echo something my Grandpa Fred may have said when Grandma got a 1920s bob.
Here's Grandma on her wedding day. Beautiful, no?
Later, she cut her hair to a fashionable chin length bob. She's still beautiful, but my dad's "crowning glory" attitude tells me that the haircut was probably not well received.
I never understood, either, the idea that long hair put up is attractive, elegant, acceptable, but short hair is not. It has the same basic aesthetics.
So, for right now, I have hair. Some day, maybe I won't.
