We were all together to remember my mom. She had forbidden us to have a big funeral. My kids would tease her sometimes, and say, "Grandma, we're going to have the biggest, loudest, most crowded funeral!" "You. Will. NOT," Mom would say. "I will come back and haunt you!" We needed to be together, though, to do something formal and to support each other. We'd decided to get together at Mom's house, with an open invitation to friends and family to join us for a potluck meal. They could come and go as they needed to, we could share memories and send mementos home with everyone.
We hadn't all been together for years. Now, there we were, all four children, ten grandchildren, six spouses and one of Mom's great grandchildren. It was the closest we'd been to having everyone together in 20 years. Of those who knew and loved Mom, we were missing only my grandnephew Andrew.
Mom passed away on October 30. We'd chosen Veteran's Day weekend for our gathering, to take advantage of the three day weekend. Veteran's Day is very important to my brother in law Don, a Marine. Since he's no longer in the service, I referred to him as an "ex Marine" once, and he corrected me: "There are no ex Marines. There's those on active duty and those no longer on active duty. We're all Marines." (I no longer make that mistake.) The fact that he was willing to make the weekend all about Mom, and to spend Veteran's Day itself on the road, spoke volumes. He's a great guy.
On that Saturday, we'd spend the day at Mom's. Everyone was invited to come by any time between about 11 and 5. My niece, Mari, is a rabbi, and she was the last of the immediate family to arrive, since she officiated at home that morning, then flew out. We asked her to be in charge of closing out the gathering, maybe with a prayer. She chose to lead us in sharing memories, and then offered a blessing. It was perfect.
Since the first holiday without Mom was bound to be difficult, and since we were all together, Lynne came up with the idea to have Thanksgiving together, on Sunday. It was brilliant.
My sister Jennifer made the turkey. My nephew Jeremy made mushroom ravioli. We had a pan of homemade macaroni and cheese, made by my friend Denise, left from the day before. We had potatoes, salad, all kinds of good food. More importantly, we had the whole family together at Mom's house. It was a great Thanksgiving.
I love this photo. We're all there - the teachers, the lawyer, the postal worker, the dog trainer, the actors, the black belt, the social worker. When my husband posted it on Facebook, my son wrote, "Look at your family. Now back to my family. Sadly, your family is not my family." Yes, it's a riff on an Old Spice commercial. It makes me smile.
I'm so, so glad we had this Thanksgiving celebration. I will always give thanks for it.
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