Not My Style

Twenty one years ago, we bought a "fixer-upper" house. We're still fixing.

The good news is that it's starting to show. We spent years with a house full of kids, and I'd rather send them to camp and take them on vacation than get new flooring. Now that the "baby" is halfway through high school, though, we have a bit more time and money to put into the house.

I've spent a lot of time in home improvement stores, furniture stores, thrift stores and between the pages of decorating magazines. There's always good ideas to be found, but there's also those things that, no matter how many times I see them or who recommends them, I just don't like.

Don't take offense if you like every one of these things. I'm not saying that you're wrong. I don't think there is a "wrong" except in matters of morality. And, I'm very clear that I'm the one out of step. Nevertheless, none of these things gets me excited in any way.

1. Throw Pillows

I know; I can tell you all the reasons that they "warm up a room," how easy it is to "switch out your look," why people like piles of them on their couches, beds, floors - I just don't like throw pillows. They're uncomfortable; the first thing I do when I'm on a piece of furniture that has them is take them off. They just don't serve any purpose for me. The family room set I own now came with co-ordinating pillows, and the only time I've ever used them is when I'm sleeping on the couch; they're big enough to be used for my head. Otherwise, I toss them on the floor.

I remember learning how to make throw pillows as a kid. I enthusiastically made a bunch of them - and gave them away. I liked making them, I liked how they looked - I just didn't want them.

And don't get me started on cost! Good gravy! I once said something very unpleasant out loud when I saw a $245 tag on an 8x8 pillow.

2. Carpet or Rugs

This is more an aversion to their upkeep than to their look. I hate vacuums. HATE them. They are roaring monsters marring the peace of my home. Plus, they usually kick up enough allergens to make me deeply miserable, even the expensive ones with HEPA filters. And carpet needs vacuumed all the time. You can barely breathe on a carpet or rug without needing to clean it. Yuck! From an allergy and asthma sufferer's viewpoint, there is no way to get all the irritants out of carpet, even shampooing it. More yuck.

My dislike of carpet probably solidified in my last house. It was a darling house with a great layout - except for one thing. The living room and dining room were combined (a "great room"), and carpeted. I had two toddlers when we moved in. There is NO WAY to keep carpeted dining room floors consistently clean with toddlers. Even ordinary foods like crackers were a nightmare. Don't get me started on yogurt. Yes, I tried plastic mats. Have you ever met a small child who keeps their mess on the mat?

When we bought our current house, we almost immediately started ripping out the carpets. There was no way in the world that I wanted over two thousand square feet of carpet.

People thought we were crazy. After we put vinyl floors in our children's bedrooms, they really thought it. My niece reported to her mother, in puzzlement, "They put kitchen floors in the bedrooms." We got lots of questions as to why. We heard lots of, "Won't it be loud?" After many years and accidents involving diapers, vomit, smashed fish tanks and spilled nail polish remover, I am happier than ever that we put in the vinyl. On carpet, it would have been a nightmare. On vinyl, we used paper towels and were done. The worst was actually the polish remover, which ate a few tiles. We took those out and put in new tiles - done.

I also heard lots of, "But you're laying down rugs, right?" No. I did not rip out carpet to put in rugs. "Won't it be cold?" and "Don't you want softness underfoot?" puzzled me. No and no.

We have vinyl, laminate and wood. Eventually, all the hated carpet will be gone. Hallelujah.

3. Candles

I like the theory of candles. I like making candles; when I was a kid, my mom bought several candle molds and big slabs of wax, and we made lots of candles. We kept some, and we gave a lot as gifts. I love the look of candles. I like having them for emergencies. I just don't like burning them.

My friend Linda explained this succinctly: "Of course. You're a parent. All you see is an open flame."

That sounds nice, of course, but I didn't burn them when I was a kid. When I was in my teens, my brother worked for a while at a candle factory. That Christmas, we all got candles. Mine was gorgeous; it had seashells embedded in it, and a scent with a name like "Windswept Seashore." When my brother came to visit about four years later, it was still on my shelf. "You're supposed to burn it!" he said.

My sister gave me taper candles and candlesticks for my first Thanksgiving with my husband. She was terribly disappointed to hear that I put them on the table, but didn't light them. "You were supposed to have a candlelight dinner!" she said.

My son just found an Advent candle, with 24 marks on it, that someone gave me as a gift years ago. I've had it so long that the side of it that faced the window has faded to a very pale pink from its original cardinal red. "You're supposed to burn it!" he said.

I like the look of it when I go to people's houses and they have masses of lit candles for a party. I would just never do it myself.

Maybe it's the fact that lovely candles end up as misshapen lumps after you burn them. Maybe it is the open flame. I don't know. I think they're great; I just don't burn them.

4. Artificial Scents

My youngest has never met an artificial scent that she doesn't like. Perfume, air freshener, incense, potpourri - she loves it all. She would live in a constant cloud of it if she could. When I told her over-scented self that no one should be able to smell her perfume unless they were hugging her, she said, "What would the point of that be?"

Even when I enjoy a scent - those cinnamon scented pinecones at Christmas, for instance - I don't want to live with it. It's too much. It's like having a favorite song playing 24 hours a day. Pretty soon, it's not your favorite any more.

"Mix it up!" "Get one of those fresheners that changes scent every two hours!" "Get the lighter, more natural scents." "You'll love this product!" I've heard it all. I do not want products with scent in my house. I don't like them.

I'm not crazed about it - I don't ban scented soap, cleaning products or my daughter's perfume - but I don't seek them out. I'm just not interested.

5. "Stylish" Anything

I cannot stand articles or individuals who tell me about the value of being stylish or "keeping it fresh" or "updating your look." If it is in style today, it will soon be out of style. I am not going to constantly replace my stuff because what's popular has changed.

Besides, why in the world would I decorate with someone else's taste? I do not understand what I call Conviction By Consensus - "Other people think this; therefore, I think this." It just looks like Groupthink to me, and I don't "get" it.

Of course, I was once told that it was "self centered" of me to make decorating and food decisions based on the idea that "I like it." To choose something merely because I enjoyed it was viewed as a very bad thing. "It's like you're saying that you're better than everyone else."

Um - NO. I'm saying that I'm living my own life - decorating my own house, eating my own food, and, while we're at it, choosing my own clothes, entertainment, etc. You are living yours. Do you ask me to choose your furniture? Your clothes? Do you ask me to decide on your meals? Movies? Anything? No? Then why in the world should I put what others think about that paint, sofa, book, meal or hairstyle over my own taste? I choose to have things, people, events in my life if they make me happy, not if they make you happy. You get to choose for you.

Just by chance, it appears that I've chosen trendy kitchen cabinets for my kitchen remodel. They're white, which the magazines tell me is in fashion. People with lovely hardwood cabinets are being urged to paint them white in the interest of updating and brightening their homes. I like white cabinets - I like white anything - but I also like wood.

The magazines also tell me, repeatedly, that clear acrylic chairs are perfect in a kitchen. They "visually open up the space" by not being bulky or heavy looking. This is true. Still, I hate them. I am not fond of anything sleek or futuristic looking. I generally do not like shiny, either.

The magazines also tell me that mismatched chairs, dishes or silverware are charming. I am fine with that; I don't mind matching, but I don't need it either. Those same publications, though, tell me that the fact that my refrigerator (white), dishwasher (stainless steel) and stove (black) do not match is tacky and makes things look disjointed. So, mismatched chairs = OK, mismatched appliances = bad? Sigh. I can't get into that mindset.

This is why I don't shop with other people.

Don't worry, I'm not thinking terrible things about you if you have throw pillows on your acrylic chairs in your white cabineted, carpeted, scented room. I probably admire a great deal about your rooms. And your clothes. And food.

Just please, don't get bent out of shape if we do things differently.